He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
