debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
