my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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