It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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