he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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