Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
