He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
