There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
