...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
