How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
