The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
