Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
