What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How naked do you want me to be?
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