People with herpes should wear stickers.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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