EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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