that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
