I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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