Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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