I am puke
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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