You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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