U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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