Just cropdusted the office
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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