Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
