Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
