That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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