Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
being pregnant is like rehab
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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