Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
