And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
