I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
