I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
