I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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