in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
