I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
