i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im holly from the hills drunk
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
