I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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