Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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