why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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