when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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