i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
