when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
