Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
