I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
