I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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