And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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