so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
