I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
