I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
