i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
