Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i think my cat just said my name.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
