I wish I could teleport
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
