oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
