I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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