so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
