I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
