today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
