i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
