why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so let's talk penis.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
