yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
