Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
