found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
