Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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