Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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