I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drunk is not a location!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
