Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
