I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
