maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
